When my son was two, I found myself struggling with my identity as a wife, mother and wellness professional. Somewhere along the way, someone else's vision for my life got in the way and I ended up losing myself to my interpretation of what I thought my husbands vision, my families vision, and societies vision was for me. I lived to please others rather than pleasing myself, in the end I pleased no one and this failure helped place me into therapy in an attempt to rediscover my self. I spent years in introspection, challenging my beliefs, questioning and inquiring, removing obstacles, and removing my own ignorance and illusions. This first step was also my first awakening to Light, as I created a new vision with a new perception of my self. Later, I came to know this part of my journey as Jnana Yoga. Also during this time, I redefined my relationship with myself and with others. I recommitted to moral structures, observances, and began to define how I was going to treat others moving forward in my life. In Patanjali's 8 Limbed Path of Yoga, known as Asthanga Yoga, this is known as Yama's and Niyama's, the first two limbs on the path.
In the midst of this self discovery phase I came to realize that I was incredibly sensitive to others energy. I always was sensitive, but never realized with clarity what I was actually perceiving. When I realized (and began to accept) that my body was like a radio picking up the emotional frequencies of others, I searched for a new kind of teacher and was introduced to the utilization of breath as an entryway into the inner dimensions and landscape of the body. This relationship with my teacher and my self through my bodymind brought about my ability to manage my energy systems, again awakening me to a new level of Light as I cleared blockages energetically. Later, I came to know this as Asana (physical postures), Pranayama (breathwork that helps us control our life force), Pratyahara (moving of the senses inward), and Dharana (concetration), another 4 Limbs on the Ashtanga Path of Yoga.
As I progressed on this inner journey, I found that my presence and concentration became so great, I easily lived in the present moment and realized I was able to spend hours in that inward place...meditating, better known as dhyana by Patanjali and those doing Raja Yoga. Once I became a regular meditator, I began to distinguish between meditation and prayer. For me prayer became the question or intention sent out to the universe while meditation became the silent listening for those answers. As I deepened my prayer life, I also deepened my connection to Source, creating now a dialogue not only with my body, but the universe as well. This also expanded over time into other forms of devotion and study of spiritual texts giving me a greater vocabulary and understanding of spiritual law, allowing me see clearly the limitations of my personal will and desire for control which supported me to further surrender into what I began to call my Higher Self. Surrender to my Highest Self was and continues to be a constant discovery process. This discovery process is simply a deepening of the communication with Source to manifest my life from my heart with love, compassion, and faith. This Yoga of Devotion to the magic, mystery, and beauty of life is known as Bhakti Yoga.
In this time of self discovery, inner journeying, and connection to source lead to new and greater action toward my Soul's Purpose. To act on purpose requires me to see clearly, come from a place of wholeness, and to think with great creativity, keeping in mind that every action not only affects me, but others as well. The Yoga of Doing is known as Karma Yoga. Bringing Karma Yoga to life in every moment has required me to constantly check in about what my intentions are in any given action because it is our intention that attracts new energies toward us.
Today, I leave the discussion of Tantra yoga until last, because for many of us it seems to be the most confusing, complicated and illusive. Historically, Tantra Yoga cultivates awakening through the Divine Feminine, Goddess worship and sexuality. Some forms of modern Tantra even incorporate sexual practices and meditations, but at the heart of Tantra lies the basic concept of addressing our humanness, including our desires, discovering, expressing and strengthening Love through relationship and connection while acknowledging and exploring our physical and human sexual nature. Tantra honors our sexual nature and teaches that denial of it only leads to repression and distortion while also teaching sex as an expression of Love, creating intimacy and a path for merging with the Divine. Tantra offers us the tools to manage our human desires that we experience through our senses so that we may uncover our Divine nature.
As you can see I have not followed one particular yogic path, but rather utilized various aspects of different paths along my journey. Over the years I have remained open and willing to learn from others and listen to that ever present and ever loudening voice from within. Each journey is individual and each moment requires a fresh approach. Yoga is much more than an alternative physical workout that you may come across in your gym's schedule or at your local yoga studio, it is a spiritual path in which only one small component is Asana. As far as I know, no one has ever attained Enlightenment through a posture, it takes body mind emotions and spirit working together toward healing and self realization to become Enlightened.
