Recently, I was reading the chapter called On Web Watching in the book entitled "The Moral Imagination" written by J.P. Lederach. He stirred something in me and I began to further reflect on my own ideas about Responsibility in Healership and Co-Creation. I recognize and admit that a for a long time I resisted the depth to which I see my responsibilities now. For a while, years in fact, I had seen the strength of my own personal power. From where I stand now, I have to assume, that despite that, I in ways still felt powerless, perhaps even angry and most likely felt like I had something to prove. I think about it now and a sadness washes over me. All the damage and hurt created. Me, wielding my power like a mad samurai or chainsaw massacre. All for what? To prove I am right, or worthy, or brilliant, or special? All along really feeling desperate, lonely, angry, insecure. Tears well up in recognition of and sorrow for all of my mis-creations. Yes, I have done beautiful, selfless things too. I know that this is not a personal bashing, just an honest recognition of all of me. As I suffered silently, others suffered because of my own lack of healing. I tried and did the best I could throughout my life with the resources I had but people suffered. I suffered. And the more powerful I became in myself, the more blood that was drawn at every slash of my sword.
We are powerful beings I now see and have seen for a long time. The difference today is that I see too the slain beings I've left in my wake, I feel their suffering. Looking back, I wonder what made me feel so justified. I wonder what circumstance I met up with early on that caused it. What comes to mind is the fighting spirit, simply fighting to survive in a world I just couldn't understand. A world I didn't feel safe in, a world I did not feel connected in.
Today, now, I see the connections. I see the web, the matrix that we exist within. I see how we are all connected. How it's all connected. I feel it. I know it. I know my words can cut like a knife just as my words can heal instantly. I know that what I say and what I do matters, not only to me because I care about who I am and how I show up, but to the entire universe. They are counting on me. You are counting on me. We are one. All through the matrix, who we are has its effects. All through the power of intention, all through the power of love, and the power of connection we can make a difference and create a better world, but we need to be mindful of how we wield our power. We are more powerful than we think. And what we think matters.
It must be no coincidence that as I was reading this chapter On Web Watching and reflecting on this web of connection that allows me to heal or to hurt instantaneously, that both my cats were chasing big black spiders through my living room. The universe made me laugh. No, I did not kill the spiders, nor did I interfere, and no my cats did not kill them or eat them, they simply played until the spiders ran away.
As I finish this writing, I ask myself these simple questions...Have I sufficiently healed and untangled the web of my past so that I may move forward creating only a silken masterpiece? And, what does my human life need to look like in order to move forward in mastery and service supporting others so that together we weave the web of the New Earth?
