Bug Free of What's Bugging Me

Every Fall I do a cleanse.  What is a cleanse you ask?  Over the years I've done many different kinds of cleanses, they've ranged from simply cleaning up my diet to taking bitter herbs for several weeks, to increasing my fiber intake and ingesting healing clays.  The goal of the Fall cleanse has always been a physical and spiritual preparation for going deeper within during the long winter months.

This year I decided to take a slightly different path and chose a Parasite Cleanse.  My first ever.  After 48 hours or so, my entire upper body was covered with a rash.  I wasn't sure what to make of it at first beyond the idea that perhaps I really did have parasites.  On a physical level, I cut back on the amount of oils I was taking until the rash subsided and then slowly added the oils back in, this time taking less of the supplement than I did to start with.  For the remainder of the first 21 day cycle I kept the dose down and remained rash free.  I'm now taking a break from the oils for 7 days.  Again 2 days in to the process I had another reaction.  Better said, a revelation.

Tonight, it finally came into my awareness that I needed to ask myself "What bugs me?" or better yet "Who bugs me?" sort of like in a "Who sucks my life force?" kind of way. Some of you reading this may think that's ridiculous, others of you may just laugh at me, but for a long time now, I've used metaphors for my growth and evolution.  Sort of like archetypes, these metaphors reveal themselves to me through my body, my home, my car, my relationships ,and the wonders of the natural world around me. 

As I sat with the concept at first no one came to mind and then for a moment thought about it from the perspective of all of those over my lifetime who tried to suck my life force.  When I opened my mind wide things became a bit more clear.  You see, just yesterday, I had the opportunity to have something really bug me and I decided after seeing how angry I was getting at the prospect of doing something I didn't want to do, I stood up for myself and got myself out of the situation I didn't want to be in.  In doing so, today I'm able to see how many times I did things for others not because I wanted to but because it was the nice thing to do, the right thing to do, or because they plane old wanted me to.  What is that?  I just did things for people without even considering myself, yep, I did.  I told myself it was service, seva, selfless acts in service to others.  Hmmm, no wonder why I felt like others were sucking my life force.  They were, and I let them, through the very act of service without considering or consulting with myself.  

Yesterday, I took a new movement, thanks to my Parasite Cleanse, I was able to rid myself of the phantom energy suckers.  Free of that, I was able to see yesterday's circumstances clearly and finally be of service to myself, clearly stand up for myself, take care of myself, and walk away from something that was really bugging me. 

Just for Today

Just for today may I see with the clarity of Love in order to learn and grow through Love with ease and grace.  May I feel my smallness in relation to you, be humbled by your presence, and know that while you live in me, I am still living in human form.  Amen.

What is Our Human Potential When We Feel Safe? - How Do We Create A Sense Of Safety For Others?

Occasionally, early childhood experiences make it difficult for some individuals to experience a sense of safety in their lives.  Perhaps they struggle with symptoms of complex trauma (Herman, 1997). From the perspective of the hero’s journey, during the period of ego development and preparation, when safety was most required, it was lacking, resulting in difficulty taking on life's adventures.  Under optimal life circumstances, children grow up feeling safe, become young adults and begin experiencing the victory of obstacles and challenges overcome.  Instead, those who live with unresolved trauma are often steeped in fear and anxiety as they are left to face life's challenges without the necessary confidence and tools to do so.

During the initiation phase of the journey (as we set out challenging the beliefs we grew up with, expanding our view of the world, etc.) we are asked to “let go of control, sentiment, safety, predictability, and concern for physical safety” (Pearson, 1991) in order to embark on the initiation phase of the hero's journey.  The trials of the journey are meant to become our victories of initiation, but without proper ego development and a strong anchor/sense of safety, the trials of life can easily become cycles of pain without insight and strength gains to propel us forward.

When I work with clients who have experienced complex childhood trauma, I often recall Stephen Porges in his youtube.com interview with William Stranger who asked “Who are we when we feel safe?” and “What could the range of human behavior be if we feel safe?” (Stranger & Porges, 2013)  These are profound questions that I strive to answer with my clients and in my own life.  Whether it be coaching, mentorship, or some other avenue of spiritual stewardship these questions resonate in my mind.  

Despite my own lack of proper ego development early in life and related defenses that developed, I know from experience that the hero’s journey is still possible.  Training in embodied mindfulness and developing an inner spiritual life that helped me feel connected to Source and others was my way of overcoming complex trauma.  Today, relying on my own strong sense of safety in the world based on my connection/anchor into the earth mother I surrender myself into my life and into my work of supporting others on their journey.  Today, I trust in my tool of Presence as a healing modality for myself and others.  I support others in finding their own sense of Presence through embodiment practices,  The hero's journey is meant for each of us.  

Distortions of the Ego

I have often seen from the perspective of the neutral observer within me, distortions of the ego. I have seen these distortions arise both in myself and in others. As I stand witness, I observe the ego in action.   It can be both subtle and discrete as well as incredibly convincing to both the self it is attached to and to others who are in relationship to it.  As the observer, the ego appears to be looking at the life journey as a drama through coke bottle lenses.  The ego has no awareness of these trick lenses for its perception is that the lens it looks through is perfectly clear and uniform throughout.  However, the lenses the ego wears distort reality and perception in both directions, past and future. The lens of the present often times remains in a fog.

As the ego looks through its lens into the past it connects with feelings of loss, disappointment, anger, and what could have been.  As the ego looks through its lens into the future it connects with feelings of fear and anxiety.  These feelings can be used as guideposts in our lives to help us identify what lens we are looking through and in what direction we are looking. As we connect with the neutral observer, that part of us we come in contact with through meditation, mindfulness, being in nature, and some forms of yoga, etc. we begin to bring our awareness into the present moment.  It is in the present moment that we can feel free and just be.  Living in the moment has the ability to decrease anxiety and other negative feelings as well as bring enjoyment and peace into our lives.  Why? because we are not experiencing our lives through the filters of the ego, the part of us that judges, comments, criticizes and finds fault in everything.  It is the lenses of the ego that connect us with our thinking mind, the mind that tells stories about the life we are living.

Living in the moment takes practice, especially if we have spent years looking at our lives through the lens of the ego.  We can begin training ourselves to connect with the neutral observer by taking a few minutes each morning simply observing and noticing what is going on within us.  Noticing sensations in the body and thoughts in our mind without telling stories about them or judging them is a start.  Meet yourself as if you are meeting yourself for the very first time, with the curiosity of an explorer.

Pick One Thing

When I was a teenager, I was very conscious of my weight.  I was never actually fat by today's standards, but back then, there were alot more thin people walking around and there were no Dove Soap commercials to let me know that I had natural beauty, that individuality is a good thing, and that self esteem comes from within.  We had Vogue and Elle Magazine, and the articles were about diet, weight, and "getting" men.  I obsessed about what I ate, when I ate it, and exercised too much to combat my overeating.  To go along with that scenario, I worried about how I dressed, my grades, my hair, what people thought of me, and how to say "the right" thing so people would never get angry or be disappointed in me.  One thing was for sure back then, none of it worked and I was miserable. I placed myself under a microscope to find flaw in my figure, my looks, and everything I said and did.  Guess what, I always found some.

Today, I no longer look for flaw, I look for awe.  I look for things that are good about myself and others.  I look to be grateful and look to be the best me I can be in the moment.  I strive not to pick on the external, but instead strive to dive within simply for understanding.  To know what makes me tick is enough when I am not ready change anything else. If I had to pick one thing that I think got my pendulum to stop its swing, I would have to say it was learning simply to be my own witness.  What does it mean to be my own witness?  To be present to and honest with myself, without judgement, criticism, or the need to change anything.  Becoming the witness to my own inner life, was literally life changing.  And the best part was, it brought me right into the present moment.  When I first began this practice of witnessing, there was so much meat in the present moment, I was forced to begin meditating to slow my mind and my life down to a speed that was actually witnessable.  (Is that a word?  It is now.)

Through observation I came to see life more clearly.  I began to see the truth of myself, others, and the experiences we were having.  It was a start.  I found I was happier as I released judgment.  I found I felt more secure when I was more concerned with what I was thinking than what others were thinking.  Within me, I found a familiar place that began to feel like home.  It was the beginning of a more peaceful and contented life.

Influencing The Mind Field

I've spoken in the past about the interconnection of all things.  In other words we are all made of energy from the same source and are connected energetically via that force.  Some call it the Living Matrix, others call it the Spiritual Field, the Field of Life, etc.  The most common experiences of the field are sympathy, empathy, and true heart felt compassion.  However, we can also experience the field on the level of thought.  Through the Mind Field, we can influence others.  When we are in touch with the Mind Field unconsciously we can be affected by others negative thoughts, it can feel  as if we are in a Mine Field of negativity.  

As we continue our investigation of the Hero's Journey let us consider this concept of the Mind Field.  As we embark on a Hero's Journey part of our intention is to become more conscious of thoughts, beliefs, and constructs of the mind.  Some thoughts and beliefs may serve us, others may not.  By intentionally paying attention without judgement, we can become conscious of our thoughts. This paying attention gives us an opportunity to challenge thoughts and beliefs that don't serve us.  Byron Katie's www.thework.com offers a few simple steps to get clear and find the truth behind our thoughts.  With a little bit of work, we can transform and begin to accept life on life's terms.  What this also does is minimizes negativity, keeping us in flow with our soul.

Now, lets get back to that Mind Field.  As we become more conscious of our thoughts, we can make better choices about what we will focus on.  We can focus on the positive, on gratitude, on acceptance, on non-judgement, on trust, on surrender, and peace, minimizing the amount of negativity that we put out into the Mind Field.  Because we are all connected, as we send out these high vibrational thought frequencies, we can raise the consciousness of the planet via the Mind Field.  If we fail to become intentional about our thoughts we will be influenced by others thought vibrations.  Unintentionally, we may land in a Mine Field of negative thought.

Depending on where you are on your journey, it might feel right to you to pay particular attention to your thoughts, challenge them and raise their vibration:  Is it true?, how do you know it's true?, Who would you be without that thought?  How can you turn that thought around coming into a deeper alignment with reality? (Katie, www.thework.com)  Open your mind to new possibilities, take the first step of initiation on the Hero's Journey.

(Later today I'll offer another approach that may resonate if this doesn't seem to fit your needs.  It's important to remember, one approach never fits all.)

Dialogue with the Universe

Spirituality is a very personal thing.  As many people as you ask to define spirituality is as many definitions as you will get.  If this is the case, how can we be sure that what we as individuals are doing is considered spiritual?  We all want to reap the benefits that the research shows we can get from living a spiritual life, don't we?  Increased resilience, decreased stress, greater joy and peace, increased life satisfaction, improved physical health, greater intimacy and satisfaction in relationships, the list goes on.....

Well, it seems that all people who are reaping the benefits of spirituality are in Dialogue with the Universe.  In some way whether it be through mindfulness, symbolism, nature, communicating with angels, channeling, prayer and meditation, art, ritual, or service, spiritual people feel that they have a relationship with something greater than themselves.  A relationship that is invariably a two way communication.  Even if people say that they are religious, it is the personalizing of their religion and engagement with their God so that they feel like their God listens and communicates with them that brings them all of the benefits we speak of.

With this in mind, I began to dialogue with the universe to understand how I can support people in engaging their spirituality.  We already know the brain is hard wired for spiritual experience.  We already know we can change the brain as we engage spiritually through meditation and mindfulness practices, but are we clear about how to actually spread spirituality to those who may not be seeking?  Do we need to wait for the Dark Night of the Soul to appear and then seemingly rescue an individual from themselves by introducing spirituality at that point? Do we need to wait for the windows of puberty, leaving the nest, motherhood, death of a loved one or some other pivotal point of growth to occur before spirituality can be fully explored and delved into?  Is it possible to encourage a person to develop a lasting and intimate relationship with the divine at any time, simply because that relationship may serve them well in the future?  Can a relationship with the divine make a good life better simply because of that relationship?  These are the questions I am discussing with Spirit....I would love to hear your thoughts and begin a dialogue with you to....