Moving Toward Reverence

In the spirit of full disclosure, Deep Reverence has taken me a lifetime to experience and still at times remains fleeting. Reverence has required a radical shift into balancing both my masculine and feminine energy.  The act of reverence (Experiencing the Sacred in Everything) has come as part of a life process of self Love and self growth.

I assume the sacred self, love and, peace were there in me all along, as I believe it is in you.  I was just unable to see it, and tap into it.  In looking back I have to admit a strong DESIRE was there to have it and I BELIEVED I could.  Somewhere in my being I knew it was POSSIBLE, almost like there was a faint and distant memory that somewhere I may have experienced it before, but not in my conscious memories.  I was OPEN to the PROCESS, willing to DETACH enough, TRUST enough to jump with two feet into the UNKNOWN.  I came to a point in my life where I felt like I had little to lose and so much to GAIN by taking a RISK and becoming TRANSPARENT...I choose RADICAL HONESTY continuously.  In that process however, PERSPECTIVE, I realized, became very important for it was still easy to deceive myself depending on the perspective that I took in a given situation.  I go into the SHADOWS shining LIGHT on the DARKNESS within me.  It became a learning process to do it without criticism, shame, or the need to change it....In other words to shine light on the darkness in a way that did not create more darkness was indeed a bit tricky.  It was a task that required COMPASSION and PATIENCE and TIME and devotion.  I have settled back and ACKNOWLEDGED that this is LIFE, or better yet the way I choose to live my life.  It is no longer a task or self improvement undertaking or a new years resolution.  It is THE WAY.  I've developed an inner process of experiencing, witnessing, reflecting, digesting and releasing in a way that is perfectly imperfect.  The system has developed in a way that allows me to go back and reflect again, shift perspective again, make a new choice, and feel good about it all.  In the end, I have to say it's lots of LOVE and lots of SPACE that have gotten me to the place of Moving Toward Reverence.  It just seems to be what my HEART needs in these moments.  Who knows what will happen tomorrow, but that's WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW for me.  What does your heart need?  What lurks in your shadows?  What process have come to live by that works for you?

Cravings

Have you ever had those periods in life where you feel pulled to get up early, get the day started, yet you hit the snooze and pull the covers back up and try to avoid whatever it is that was pulling you to get up early to begin with?  In those same periods of life, have you eaten things that you know aren't good for you, things that spike your blood sugar, things that make your body retain excessive water, things that don't even really taste that good, yet you find yourself eating them anyway?  Often to realize, you at it so mindlessly you can't even say that it brought you a moment of satisfaction or enjoyment. 

Well, I recently went through a period where I could have gone down that road, the impulses were there.  And in a way, I did go down that road...in the name of science (a personal experiment) I began to watch (observe myself) what happened as I resisted those temptations and as I gave in to them trying to expose what was underneath that mysterious behavior.  As I resisted the food cravings or gave in, yet remained aware, I noticed the cravings were  really never satisfied by what I ate.  It merely pushed the feeling away for a little while.  If I didn't give in to the craving, I became increasingly uncomfortable and empty inside.  In the emptiness however, I began to find a drive. In the beginning the drive was also uncomfortable because I hadn't quite figured out what that was yet.  As time progressed and I continued to observe, I could no longer deny that I had a craving for something that went much deeper than food.  My heart ached and yearned for deeper connection and acknowledgment. 

Don't misunderstand, for those of you that know me and for those of you that don't, I have a spiritual practice, I meditate regularly and am deeply aware of the presence of the universe at work in my life.  I already own the responsibility of co-creating my life with my Highest Self.  Yet, despite all of that, this emptiness and yearning persisted and craving for more persisted as did the morning behavior of pulling the covers back up and rolling over to go back to sleep.  It became such an issue, the universe even employed my cat to become an early morning annoyance to get me out of bed.  I resisted (I resisted getting out of bed and I resisted eating the foods that seemed to call me by name), the cravings and uncomfortableness continued, but in the struggle my hearts desire continued to become more clear. 

I craved a deeper reverence in my life.  One that could be honored at sunrise with a gentle stretch and taking in of the life energy the sun had to offer.  Nothing formal, just moving my body in a salute to the sun, pajama style just before I made my morning coffee.  And then quiet time to sit and reflect and feel the blessings of my life and the abundance of love that stirred deep in my heart.  This early morning time I resisted for so long was time to cultivate the stirrings of my heart so I could bring reverence into the rest of my day.  It was a way to set the pace just a little bit slower so I could be more deeply mindlful and patient and compassionate toward others.  What I craved was reverence in what sometimes seems to be an irreverent world and what I resisted was creating the space in my life to bring it in.  It is my hope that as I continue this new practice and experience reverence in my own life that I will manifest reverence all around me.