Cravings

Have you ever had those periods in life where you feel pulled to get up early, get the day started, yet you hit the snooze and pull the covers back up and try to avoid whatever it is that was pulling you to get up early to begin with?  In those same periods of life, have you eaten things that you know aren't good for you, things that spike your blood sugar, things that make your body retain excessive water, things that don't even really taste that good, yet you find yourself eating them anyway?  Often to realize, you at it so mindlessly you can't even say that it brought you a moment of satisfaction or enjoyment. 

Well, I recently went through a period where I could have gone down that road, the impulses were there.  And in a way, I did go down that road...in the name of science (a personal experiment) I began to watch (observe myself) what happened as I resisted those temptations and as I gave in to them trying to expose what was underneath that mysterious behavior.  As I resisted the food cravings or gave in, yet remained aware, I noticed the cravings were  really never satisfied by what I ate.  It merely pushed the feeling away for a little while.  If I didn't give in to the craving, I became increasingly uncomfortable and empty inside.  In the emptiness however, I began to find a drive. In the beginning the drive was also uncomfortable because I hadn't quite figured out what that was yet.  As time progressed and I continued to observe, I could no longer deny that I had a craving for something that went much deeper than food.  My heart ached and yearned for deeper connection and acknowledgment. 

Don't misunderstand, for those of you that know me and for those of you that don't, I have a spiritual practice, I meditate regularly and am deeply aware of the presence of the universe at work in my life.  I already own the responsibility of co-creating my life with my Highest Self.  Yet, despite all of that, this emptiness and yearning persisted and craving for more persisted as did the morning behavior of pulling the covers back up and rolling over to go back to sleep.  It became such an issue, the universe even employed my cat to become an early morning annoyance to get me out of bed.  I resisted (I resisted getting out of bed and I resisted eating the foods that seemed to call me by name), the cravings and uncomfortableness continued, but in the struggle my hearts desire continued to become more clear. 

I craved a deeper reverence in my life.  One that could be honored at sunrise with a gentle stretch and taking in of the life energy the sun had to offer.  Nothing formal, just moving my body in a salute to the sun, pajama style just before I made my morning coffee.  And then quiet time to sit and reflect and feel the blessings of my life and the abundance of love that stirred deep in my heart.  This early morning time I resisted for so long was time to cultivate the stirrings of my heart so I could bring reverence into the rest of my day.  It was a way to set the pace just a little bit slower so I could be more deeply mindlful and patient and compassionate toward others.  What I craved was reverence in what sometimes seems to be an irreverent world and what I resisted was creating the space in my life to bring it in.  It is my hope that as I continue this new practice and experience reverence in my own life that I will manifest reverence all around me.