He was the good time "guy," his house was the "vacation" home, he avoided me, he didn't communicate with me - even on important topics, he procrastinated, he was "forgetful," to me even slightly irresponsible at times. Hmmmm...This is my ex-husband I am talking about, the father of my child. This has been an ongoing struggle, my perception of him. Yes, I said, my perception of him. I want an ex-husband I can communicate with, I want an ex-husband who disciplines our child, I want an ex-husband who takes an active interest in my sons life, I want an ex-husband who remembers to call-and to follow up, I want an ex-husband who co-parents.
Hmmm, how well have I done these things that I am asking of him? Have I spoken up when things stood out to me as important or have I lagged behind waiting for him to notice and say something to me rather than picking up the phone? Now that I have asked the difficult questions about how good of an ex-wife I have been, the picture is becoming a little clearer. When I became really honest with myself, I was able to see several things...I began to see that my perceptions of him became my reality, in other words, he began to live up to my expectations of him. The energy that I put out there in my thoughts, I received. He also ended up being my mirror. What I saw in him were the very things I did not want to see in myself.
Whenever I get really honest with myself when I am feeling dissatisfied about something, these "rules" apply. What's most interesting is that in the knowing of this, I can re-crewate my life. Become the parent and ex-wife I want to be, think positively about others, knowing that my story is not always the True story and lo and behold, my life begins to become the life that I want. My ex-husband is more friendly, more attentive and even reaches out to help out without being asked.
Now more than ever, and faster than ever, it seems our perceptions and thoughts become our reality. It is a lesson in visioning from the heart for me.
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